The L Words

I'm not talking about some religious or racial defamation using an "L." No, I'm talking about "lie" and "lay." I don't make it a point to preach on grammatical subjects, as I am not immune to my own censure, but these two get me because:

1. People use them incorrectly in locations which should have been studiously checked by editors.
2. Using these words incorrectly is not something one can excuse from a simple lack of grammatical knowledge or spelling.

Let me elaborate. I accept the fact that people can't figure out apostrophes, and that people use the word "nauseous" to mean "nauseated," and even that "impact" has become a verb at some point when I wasn't paying attention. The first is simple ignorance, the second and third are natural lingual evolution. "Lie" and "lay," on the other hand, are things people think they are doing right. E.g.:

• Play it as it lays.
• Lay down and go to sleep.
• You just want to lay down and die.

These are all things which are perfectly reasonable things to write in newspapers, say on television, and they even worm their way into books. So they must be right. Right?

Wrong, actually. They are all using the wrong word. But people don't see it that way. "What's the big deal," you say.

Easy. "Lay" is a transitive verb. I know I said it wasn't a mistake of grammar, but I lied. Of course, you wouldn't say, "I know I said it wasn't a mistake of grammar, but I laid." Laid what? If you can ask that question, you're dealing with a transitive verb, a verb that takes an object as a target of its action. "Lie," on the other hand, is intransitive. You don't lie something.

The problem arises from the fact that "lay" is also the past tense form of "lie." Oh, our wacky language, English. But the progression for these two verbs is:

I lie down, I lay down an hour ago, I have lain down in the past.

I lay eggs, I laid eggs an hour ago, I have laid eggs in the past.

"Lie, lay, lain," as opposed to "lay, laid, laid." Just for the record, this problem is so ingrained that I almost typed, "lay, laid, lain," just now.

Why do I bring this problem up? It's a relatively minor issue (mostly of grammar, as I lied about earlier, using another verb "lie") which doesn't seem to matter. People know what you mean when you say it, so what difference does it make?

All the difference in the world, actually. Unlike the "evolution of language" arguments for the misuse of certain words, or the confusing series of rules surrounding apostrophes (although I still think the rules are hard and fast enough to warrant correct usage), "lie" and "lay" are two different words with two different meanings governed by one extremely simple rule: "lay" is something you do to something, whereas "lie" is something you do yourself. In everyday conversation, we might make mistakes, and that's okay, but when Oprah, in her opening monologue, is using the wrong word in a context which is completely unambiguous, when lyrics to popular songs use the wrong word, when newspapers, magazines, and books, supposedly rigorously edited, allow not just individual verbal malfeasance but seem to not be aware a distinction between the two words exists, then we have a problem, Houston. Hard, fast, and only one simple sentence long. Get it right.

As a closing remark, I believe the problem stems from the nursery rhyme/prayer: "Now I lay me down to sleep..." Before I get any spittle-flecked comments accusing me of misleading people, the grammar in the rhyme is totally correct. "Now I lay down to sleep..." would not be. Why? I am laying myself down, giving the verb and object, and thus am using the verb correctly. This is a convoluted expression which doubtless has given rise to the belief that "lie" and "lay" are the same word. But it's not that complicated, it's a poem, and it's right, so using it as an excuse is feeble at best.